May 30th, 2024

The Fear of Being Alone: Honoring Purpose Over Marital Status


One of my female cousins got married a couple of years ago, but before the wedding, we decided to take her on a trip to Miami to celebrate. While on the trip we had a lot of activities planned, but one of the activities on our last morning in Miami didn’t have a particular name or anything, but what we had to do was write down 3 of our “fears” on a piece of paper. Once everyone finished, we shared the 3 fears with the group.

The exercise was so powerful and so liberating! There were laughs, tears, stories, moments of silence, and reflections while we listened to each woman reveal a part of herself that she may have only mentioned to God in private.

As I was listening, I knew my turn was approaching, and for me, this was not easy because I didn’t want to be emotional. *Exhale* Here it goes….

So I slowly move my eyes down to read my 3 fears. One of the fears I will share with you that meant the most was “the fear of dying alone”. Another young woman there, who was single like me, agreed totally and said, “Wow…I didn’t think about that but it’s so true. I don’t want to die alone either.”

The best part of this activity was what we did next. We tore each fear into three strips of paper, folded them in no particular way, and then put them inside of a balloon. We each held our balloons up high over the balcony of the hotel. I was asked to say a prayer and we released them in the air, vowing to God to work on overcoming every fear.

It took a lot of courage for me to admit to being afraid, scared, or anxious about anything in my life to these women. However, on that day, four women’s desire to overcome fear was greater than the fear itself.

The Fear of Being Alone in Perspective

fear of being aloneLet’s talk about what I meant when I said: “alone.” I’m talking about physically being by myself when I die. No one knows when or how he or she is going to die. The absence of family being there, or even a husband, was starting to be a concern me. If we’re honest with ourselves, most people desire to be loved by someone beyond the circle of family.

As Christians, we realize that we are never alone because God is with us always, in spirit. But physically, we want the return embrace of a mate God assigned to us. Even the Bible says, “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10).

There is absolutely nothing wrong with desiring to have someone in your life, but if you don’t experience marriage on earth, does that mean that you are being denied the fullness of joy? Not at all. However, let’s put it in perspective.

We all came into the world as individuals, even if you were born a twin. And, we all are going to leave individually and be judged individually by God for our work. (Revelation 20:12).

Our concerns about being single can be consuming and a huge distraction. Being alone can have negative connotations if we accept them from people who plant seeds of “fear” in our minds.

Reject Seeds of Fear

marriageSome will say, “You need to find someone so you won’t end up like so and so who is alone.” But, God never promised us that life will follow the order of marriage, children, grandbabies, then death. He knew us before the foundation of the world and the beginning of our existence before entering the earth. God even knows the number of hairs on our head (Matthew 10:30), so surely He knows what is best.

God wants to fulfill the purpose He has ordained for each and every one of us – whether we are married or single. So If I die now, what would it matter if I was by myself? Why should fear be the first response to thoughts of dying alone? To God, it’s not important. But, my relationship with Him, my work on earth to spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the unique gifts He has created within me – that is what’s important.

The focus on my marital status has no relevance to my ability to fulfill my assignment on the earth, just as my status doesn’t determine my joy. What I do on earth, regardless of my status, is God’s purpose and desire for my life.

So, What’s The Play Call?

Bye, Fear! I am not alone! Here are 3 great reminders:

  1. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” ~Joshua 1:9 NIV
  2. The one who sent me is with me; He has not left me alone, for I always do what pleases Him.” ~John 8:29 NIV
  3. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” ~Matthew 28:20 NLT
Charlene Evans
Charlene 'Chiccy Baritone' Evans - Poet, Author, Blogger, Keynote & Motivational speaker, lover of coffee and traveling. She keeps her head in a book and enjoys using her voice to Speak LIFE. She is honored to share her love for Jesus through Self Expression, World Outreach, People Progression.
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