Monday, Jan 27, 2020

Got Premarital Jitters? Here are 4 Reflections from a 10-Year Union

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Kristina Bolton
Kristina Bolton
Kristina Bolton, aka The Preachy Writer, is a wife, mother of 5, revelatory writer, author, and preacher. Her first love is God, and her passion is to edify people so they can make it into His Kingdom. She is the author of Charity: The Church’s False Love, available on Amazon.

Are Premarital Jitters Holding You Back from Marriage?

premarital jittersRecently, my husband and I celebrated our 10th anniversary with a vow renewal before friends and family. It was a beautiful ceremony and celebration. As we reflected on our past years, we remembered taking the step to get married while others scoffed at our decision. We were young in age, young spiritually, financially growing, and in the process of life. People said we should wait until we had more. But, we were more concerned about being right in the eyes of God than abiding by the opinions of man. We loved each other and were willing to take on the challenges of natural growth.

Regarding marriage, the Bible says that a man is to leave his parents and be united with his wife (Genesis 2:24). It didn’t say they needed a certain amount of money, education, or social status. My husband and I were working adults who no longer lived with our parents. We didn’t make six figures, but who said we had to?

Now here we are, ten years later and still married. God truly gets all the glory! Sure, we’ve had sunshine and world wars. Like any other marriage, we were faced with challenges, but we survived because of our God.

Marriage is a serious step, and should not be entered into lightly. It is wise to consider matters like finances, growth, goals, and such. But, those are not the only matters to think about. We must prioritize the Word of God above natural securities.

You may be thinking about marriage and facing this very dilemma with premarital jitters.  If so, here are a few essential points that may help your premarital process.

1. Seek Godly Counsel.

I encourage every couple to receive godly counsel from their spiritual leader before marriage. The Bible says in Proverbs 19:20 that it is wise to receive instruction and counsel. Godly counsel can keep you from making decisions informed by the flesh. Each union is different, and your spiritual leader may have insight from God concerning your path.

2. Don’t Sin While You Wait.

Society has shaped how people view marriage, and it has begun to influence the church. I come in contact with many Christian couples who are delaying their marriage for finances, school, family, careers, etc. However, they are NOT delaying the union of their bodies. Despite popular belief, fornication is still a sin in the eyes of God. God’s word will never change. We must conform to the Word because the Word will never adapt to us.

Let’s be real with one another – the Bible speaks about the “burn” of passion between lovers (1 Corinthians 7:9). It’s not that easy to abstain from sex, especially when you are strongly attracted. Sex is not a sin; it’s just like driving – it requires a license.

Sex is always a sensitive subject, but that’s why we must talk about it. I don’t mind pointing out the things people find uncomfortable. I believe that the devil has used the silence of the church to win many battles. There is a great need for people to declare truth from the mountain top, even if it ruffles the feather of others.

3. Marriage is Obedience, Not Deliverance.

Some people view marriage like they do salvation. They assume that once they get married, all their problems will disappear. Like the myth “when I get saved, all of life’s struggles will be over”, marriage will not “cure” what ails you. If you enter marriage with outstanding issues of lust, discipline, anger, greed, a poverty mindset – saying “I do” will not heal you.

Marriage is not deliverance. If someone needs deliverance and healing, they must seek that from God. Your spouse can cover you in prayer and support your healing journey, but you must do the work.

4. Individual Submission to God is Essential.

One thing that we have learned is that a marriage works best when both the husband and wife are submitted to God. It is imperative that both seek to know and grow in God individually first and then together. God will be the power that will hold them faithful to one another.

The reality is this: man is too fickle. We waver and change. We love and despise in the same day. But, if a couple is submitted to God, they will both look to God in their decisions. They will seek to please God by yielding themselves to the leading of the Spirit.

When God is the foundation of marriage, forgiveness, love, holiness, righteousness, and every good work is possible. That won’t remove the struggles and obstacles. It means that both the husband and wife will choose the same route of escape, Jesus. In the end, they will find themselves unified under the same door.


The Bible says marriage is honorable in all (Hebrews 13:4). As long as it fits the design of God, it is good. Having a bank account, advanced degrees, and any other natural achievement will not exempt any marriage from challenges. If that were the case, the wealthy and educated would not get divorces. But we all know that’s not true.

Paul asked it best, “Are you seeking the approval of man or God” (Galatians 1:10)? The Bible talks about the “commandments of men” (Matthew 15:9). All of these worldly prerequisites of marriage are simply commandments of men. If you and your future spouse want to wait to have your affairs in order, that is your personal decision – but it’s not a commandment from God. While you wait, live righteously. Abstain from fornication and any other poor choice that displeases God.

If you are considering marriage, don’t allow society and people to dictate your actions. Do what pleases God and grow together. I have found that it makes a strong bond. Years down the road, you can sit back and look at the kingdom you two built together in God.

I hope this helps you.

I love you all.


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