Tuesday, Oct 26, 2021

Pacify or Edify: How to Speak the Truth in Love

Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. Ephesians 4:15

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Brandi Hawthorne
Brandi Hawthorne is a women's Christian Development & Lifestyle Coach. She blogs at Woman, Live! When she's not teaching women to love God & live their dreams, she's somewhere laughing loudly with friends & family.

A Time to Speak the Truth in Love

obedience is better than sacrificeMirror talk is where you take a good look at yourself and perform a self-evaluation (James 1:23-25). And, we’re not talking about a glance in a regular mirror. Oh no, my friend. We’re talking about one of those beauty mirrors that magnify your face until you can see every pore and blemish in the handy light!

I’ve noticed that a lot of people are okay with a glance, but they don’t want to take a real good look at themselves. We all tend to overvalue one aspect of ourselves, undervalue the other, and dismiss any discomfort with, “That’s just the way I am.”

How do I know this? Because we are easily offended and quick to become defensive. Before we have given our brother’s or sister’s words of correction and self-check a second thought, we’re already offering reasons for why they’re wrong.

And, often times, when you know that a person isn’t willing or able to receive mirror talk, we can fall into the snare of it’s okay. We begin to flatter and pacify instead of speaking the truth in love.

So, what happens when we comfort our fellow teammates with an, “It’s okay”?


Sometimes what we’re trying to say is that God will work all things out for their good. God is a forgiving God who doesn’t hold grudges. And, not only did this situation not come as a surprise to God, but He knows exactly how to render restoration. So, “It’s okay.”


Sometimes we are missing an opportunity to give them God’s perspective. Why are they in that situation? Why do they think or behave that way? What is the lesson?

The key is knowing what God has laid on your heart to share and being obedient to His instructions, not our feelings or opinions.

Do You Have Oily Lips?

King David referred to flattery as lies rolling off oily lips (Psalm 12:2 MSG). When we don’t tell each other the truth, we allow the oil of fear to slip us into nice words that will do very little to help our teammate change.  At this point, we are more worried about their feelings, how they view us, the relationship – than saying what God put on our hearts to say with love.

People may not accept your help, but remember who you are trying to please – God.

Speak the truth in love.

There’s a saying, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” A relationship isn’t required for you to be a truth-teller, but it can definitely help. And, then again, there are people who will refuse to bend whether you’ve known them 10 minutes or 10 years (Proverbs 29:1 ERV).

But remember, God never promised acceptance or popularity. He promised to be with us as we honor Him with our obedience (Matthew 28:20), and to send a Comforter who will lead us in the truth that we should speak (John 14:16).

So, what’s the play call?

Being a follower of Christ isn’t all glitter and roses. Sometimes we can become too focused on favor and blessings that we forget to take up our cross and speak the truth in love (Luke 9:23, Ephesians 4:15). Can it be scary and overwhelming? Absolutely!  But there is a prize to be won for following Jesus.

The glitter and roses are the rewards of pleasing God and the gift of eternal life.

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