With Valentine’s Day quickly approaching, there are a lot of weddings on the calendar. Are you prepared to tie the knot or just really excited about your wedding day?
Let’s be proactive instead of reactive when it comes to marriage. We often prepare for “the wedding” but not the marriage. Marriage is so much more than wedding dresses, tuxedos, and the word “love.” Love has to be built on something stronger.
A marriage will only last if it’s intentionally built on a solid foundation of transparency, trust, and communication. Before you say “I do,” have you considered that once the wedding is over – that’s when the marriage begins?
Prepare for a Marriage That Outlasts the Wedding
Here are some questions to ask yourself to determine if the relationship is on solid ground or if you are headed for quicksand.
- Have you both gotten help to deal with “your stuff” from the past? We’ve all experienced some relationship trauma in our lifetime; the problem is we didn’t deal with it to heal from it. We often think we’re okay without dealing with our issues, so we move on. The truth is what you haven’t addressed will keep addressing you. Remember, you are bringing all of you to the marriage and nothing changes if nothing changes.
- Have you had a real conversation with your future spouse? If you can’t have the hard conversations now, these conversations will be a major issue in the marriage later. How were they raised and who raised them? What is their vision for the marriage? What is their definition of love? What is non-negotiable in the marriage? Be clear about what would end the marriage without question. If you are afraid to ask the hard questions, or he or she has a problem answering them, you are not on a solid foundation and this will cause problems down the road.
- Have you forgiven everyone in your past? How we do one thing is how we do everything. If you can’t forgive those from the past, you’ll have trouble forgiving him or her in your future. You will have to forgive often throughout your marriage because no one is perfect. With unforgiveness comes grudges, with grudges comes resentment, with resentment comes animosity, with animosity comes separation, and with separation comes the “D” word.
- Are you equally yoked? I’m not talking about being churchy or religious. I’m talking about whether or not your morals and values connect. What is most important to him? What is most important to her? Have you even discussed core values? Core values, next to God, will be the center of your marriage. What does that look like for each of you? I’ve given some examples below because so many people don’t even know what core values are.
Have you discussed your core values?
Here are some examples of core values that people might have about life, including:
- A belief, or lack thereof, in God or an affiliation with a religious/spiritual institution
- A belief in being a good steward of resources and in exercising frugality
- A belief that family is of fundamental importance
- A belief that honesty is always the best policy and that trust has to be earned
- A belief in maintaining a healthy work/life balance, etc.
So, What’s the Play Call?
Marriage is a wonderful thing if it is as important as a beautiful wedding. The wedding will be over, and you will be married. How you start is how you ultimately finish.
So, be proactive instead of reactive and you can be on the road to success of a life of bliss forever.
About the Guest Contributor
Tray Kearney is a servant leader whose assignment is to help others heal from matters of the heart. She is known for her method of helping others heal through her transparency and truth. Her testimony of going through the storm of infidelity on both sides of not only being the offender but also the recipient of betrayal gives men and women the safe haven they need to be transparent and honest with themselves without judgment. Connect with Teammate Tray at www.traykearney.com