The Bible says that marriage is a mystery (Ephesians 5:32). I could not describe it better. It involves two different people coming together – two become one – forming one union. No one marriage is the same, because no two people are the same. There is no right or wrong way in marriage as long as it remains within the law of God. After 11 years of marriage, I find that no amount of anything can adequately prepare anyone for what their union will entail. There can be excellent foundational counseling and prayer, but I believe no one is really ever fully “ready.”
For the record, every married couple argues at some point in their relationship. I do not want you to feel alone. I can recall the first argument between my husband and me, and many since then. But, there came a time when I began to seek the Lord on a better way to handle disagreements. I wanted my husband to be able to do things a certain way or think how I thought, and it just wasn’t happening.
As I began to seek the Lord on counsel, I started by saying, “God, I can’t see how we will become one,” and the Lord replied, “One what?”
I learned years ago that when the all-knowing God asks a question, there is something powerful He wants to say. I followed the leading of the Spirit and found myself in the book of Genesis. Genesis 2:24 says, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” It was there that it hit me, “one flesh.” God never said that a married couple would become one being, but one flesh.
Marriage is like the relationship between Christ and the Church. What is the church? The Body of Christ. Not the soul or spirit. Likewise, a husband and wife will be one in the body.
Being = Body/Flesh + Spirit + Soul
Each person is made up of three components, body/flesh, spirit, and soul. Each element has its functions. I won’t go into the full explanations of all three, but I want to help you as the Lord helped me. A married couple becomes one flesh; this means that things of the natural life, become a blended entity. However, their spirit and soul will remain separate. See why the Bible refers to it as a mystery? Indeed there can be spiritual impartations between husband and wife, but no married couple should expect to become one full human being.
The Spirit of Man
Our spirits contain so much – our personality, gifts, callings, etc. It’s what makes us individuals. When I understood that my husband and I were not meant to become one spirit, I began to change how I looked at things.
For this reason, you may not always be able to see what is going on in their inner man. Truthfully, no person can have full access to another. That access belongs to God. A married couple can be one in the Spirit of God, but remain two different spirits.
This helped me so much. It caused me not to burden my husband with something he was not supposed to carry. I could not hold him accountable for completely knowing me. I started communicating more. God did not make him my mind reader; he is my husband.
The Bible says people’s ways are right in their own eyes, and so I began to embrace our different perspectives and not hold so tightly to my own. It is easy for people to mistake their way as the best way. I can be guilty of this. I began to see our differences as a perfect puzzle rather than a disconnect. From there, we began to grow together.
Two Become One Flesh
We began to embrace the gifts and callings of one another. Gifts and callings reside in the spirit. The spirit holds the things that were given to us graciously by the Creator.
God told Jeremiah before he was even in the womb, he was a prophet. This calling happened before Jeremiah became a living soul. I think some couples believe that their callings are one; Not true. Recall Hosea, a prophet, whom God instructed to marry a harlot, or Moses, whose wife was Zipporah. She participated minimally, if at all, in the deliverance of the Children of Israel.
Understand, a husband and wife can work together in service to the Lord like Priscilla and Aquilla, but that is not always the case. But even in that service, they are still two individuals called to work together.
The Soul of Man
Understanding that you and your spouse have separate souls is very important. The main thing that happens in the soul of man is salvation.
No married couple will become one soul. So, each person must work out their own salvation (Philippians 2:12), even though they are one flesh, meaning that each husband and wife must accept Jesus for themselves. They must repent for themselves. They will have different struggles and areas of attack. The Lord may deal with your spouse in a particular area and you in another.
1 Corinthians 7:14 says that when an unbeliever is married to a believer, the unbeliever is “sanctified” not saved. And, this is only for the sake of the children being made holy to the Lord. When I paid attention to this, it caused me to pray for my husband more. I began to realize that although we are on the same path of salvation, we will both have a personal walk.
So, What’s The Play Call?
Think about you and your spouse. You both may enjoy the same foods, shows, vacation spots, fashion line, or song. You may see that over time, you have grown closer, but in areas that remain separated, check to see whether these are areas of the spirit and soul. If they are, understand they will stay separate. Instead of focusing on how much you are different, see the beautiful masterpiece God has created between the two of you.
Remember, marriage is a mystery compared to Jesus and His church ( Ephesians 5:32). We are the church, and while we will be like Jesus, we cannot or will not become Jesus.
I pray this helps you.