Christian Marriage and How to Win Through Submission

Sweet Submission

There’s an “s” word that’s often preached with much fervor and frequency in the realm of Christian marriage and the wife’s duty: Submit.

How does that word make you feel? I haven’t always been fond or welcoming of the notion of “submission”.  As a young wife, I was too busy trying not to lose arguments, making sure hubby knew he was not the boss of me. As a learning, growing woman of God, I still have to die daily in many areas of my life. Part of my everyday ‘sacrifice’ includes learning how to submit to my husband.

Oh! You’ve got that submission part down pat? Good for you, sis!

For me? God constantly creates opportunities for me to see myself, and how I can honor my husband – even when I don’t initially get the memo or recognize the opportunity to win through submission. Here’s how one such opportunity went down…

I Thirst, and Starbucks is Not Cheap.

It was a lovely Saturday morning. Hubby and I were out and about as new empty-nesters, had picked up our favorite Starbucks drinks, and decided to stop at a neighborhood café for breakfast.  Getting out of the car…

Me:  You’re leaving your drink, bae.
Hubby: No, I’m not taking my drink.
Me: Umm, why not? (taking sips from my cup)
Hubby: That’s tacky to take Starbucks in there. I’ll just drink it later.
Me: But we just got them. It’ll be all watered down later.
Hubby: Look, you can take yours inside, but I’m leaving mine in the car.

{Bet! With one foot out the car, Starbucks in hand, enter the Holy Spirit}

Spirit: “Follow your husband’s lead.”

{Sigh, rolls eyes. I put the cup back in the cup holder; we go in to eat.}

{Fast forward 10 minutes, waiting for our food.}

Hubby: I’ll be right back.
Me: What’s up?
Hubby: Nothing. I’ll be right back.

I could only smile, staring out of the café window as hubby went back to the car and got both drinks!

Me: Why’d you do that? {grinning}
Hubby: Because I knew it would make you happy.

Now. You may be thinking, “Was that it? What’s the big deal?”

Allow me to explain.

The Holy Spirit Inspires Husbands and Wives to Submit to Each Other


Did you see what happened?

Look closer with the heart of God.

The Spirit was at work in both of us to submit to each other’s will. Each had something to sacrifice and lay down for the other. Contrary to popular belief, there’s enough submission and compromise to go around in a marriage – and every ball doesn’t land solely in the wife’s court.

Because my heart was pricked to stop bucking and follow my husband’s lead, I eventually got exactly what I wanted.

Since hubby’s desire was to please me versus make me do what he wanted, he effectually blew my mind and won my heart with the kind gesture of going back to the car to get my drink.

What’s the lesson, Cleavers?

There’s no need to always fight to win your position, because when you’re ONE, you’ve already WON!

If we sacrificially seek the good, the respect, the honor of the other spouse, it builds up a reserve of favor by God and appreciation in our spouse.  Nothing makes a husband feel more valued than respect; nothing makes a wife feel more special than loving action.

Wives, think about how our husbands feel when we gripe and refuse to follow their lead – over the simplest things. Ask yourself, “Is this battle really worth fighting?” And, let’s say you win and “beat” your husband – what exactly have you truly won? Or better yet, “who” has truly won – you, the enemy, or God?

Husbands, imagine how your wife would feel (and return the favor *wink) if rather than sparring with her, you served her? Is your wife dying to experience some sign that you feel her, and that you’d put her feelings above your own logic or wants?

So, what’s the play call?

Husbands and wives, perfect your cleave through acts of submission! Sacrificially serve one another.

Let’s face it, you will never cleave to each other as opponents. So, let’s run from the “opposite side” and get on the same side with our spouses. May both of you side (agree) with God, and submit to Him.

Now, Go!




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