Oh, No They Didn’t!
Hypersensitive. Hyper-vigilant. Ready to “pop-off”.
We are raised to be on the lookout for someone trying to take advantage. We’re on the lookout for racism. We’re on the lookout for sexism. We’re on the lookout for classism and homophobia and xenophobia and, in a nutshell, trying not to be overlooked or disregarded. We are sensitive to our rights being violated.
But, there are some moments that
don’t require a fight.
When did we become people who could not be corrected at all – like ever, ever, ever in life? There are, indeed, people who come to criticize. But, criticism and correction are two different things.
Criticism is meant to deflate you, take your confidence.
Correction is meant to bring you out of error into right standing. It is meant to divert you from wasted time and effort to focus.
Bottom line, it is meant to make you great, Boo.
But no. The first thing we do is deflect with an evaluation of the person’s errors. Who she think she is? I know she not talking about my crooked wig when she has ashy elbows.
Okay. Maybe she has ashy elbows. But, is your wig crooked, though? And, would you rather she not say anything and talk about you while you walk around with a crooked wig, or with your lace front lifted up? And, if all the while you saw her with ashy elbows, did you ever offer her lotion? Did you, sis? No. Because you liked her ashy elbows. They made you feel superior, didn’t they? Except, your wig is crooked.
Fools and Correction
I know a lot of people are turned off when people tell them what to do or not do. I was one of them. But, I learned that being offended by every little thing keeps us distracted.
For instance, you don’t like how your supervisor said something, and you feel s/he might need a little training on how to address others. OK. But, is she giving you insight on how to be better at your job? Instead of receiving the lesson, you miss it because you’re so offended.
Often offense leads to paranoia. Because you’ve decided that your boss has it out for you, you miss the opportunity for growth by rejecting her words. You continue doing the job in a way that is not producing the results needed. You won’t grow as a person or as an employee, but you may very well grow frustrated – which brings me to stagnation and victimhood.
Send in the Medic
The more you believe everyone is out to get you or trying to come for you, the more you remain a victim – often injured by your own perceptions. And, the more you remain a victim, the longer you remain stagnant and unproductive.
As a victim, you are constantly giving your “attacker” an opening to wound you. Stop it! The longer you remain a victim, your wounds can become infected and kill your purpose – which is exactly what the enemy wants (John 10:10).
The Bible says that a fool hates correction (Proverbs 12:1). And, you are no one’s fool.
But you are being a baby. Yes, you’re being a baby. I said it. Instead of tears, you throw a verbal (or ‘text’ual or twittery) tantrum to get your way, throwing shade and subliminal comments.
So, what’s the play call?
– Listen to the critique. Decide whether or not there is some truth to it. Own it if it’s the truth. Reject it if it’s not.
– Stop taking every single thing as a personal affront.
– In the words of Auntie Vivica Fox, “Put that (victimhood and crybaby mentality) where? Back there.”
And, the next time your friend or co-worker has ashy elbows, tell her. The Bible says, “Love your neighbor as you love yourself.” (Matthew 22:39) Telling someone that they’re ashy when you’re properly moisturized? That’s love.