Future Husbands – Your Future Wife Needs You

You see her; she is fearfully and wonderfully made. Check.
You introduce yourself; she is single. Check.
You have a little conversation; she is a believer. Super check.
You exchange phone numbers; things are going well. Gigantic Check.
You know she is “the one”. You propose, she accepts.
The Heavens are open. Now, what do you do next?

The Word of God is Our Example

Anytime I find myself needing help, I always go to The Word of God. I love the counsel it brings. Even the most peculiar situations have an example to follow. Romans 15:4 says, “For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures, we might have hope.”

Now, does that guarantee that everything will be perfect? No, it doesn’t. But, the Bible says in Proverbs 19:8, “He that getteth wisdom loveth his own soul: he that keepeth understanding shall find good.” So looking to the Word of God for counsel is always a good thing.

No two people have identical needs. For example, many women are awaiting a husband. Some say they need a “Boaz”. That may be true. However, some women, such as a single mother may not need a “Boaz”, but a “Joseph”. “Joseph” is the man that would accept her and her child, like Mary, the mother of Jesus.

Something to Think About 

I know you are not married yet, but I like to think of marriage as an “art” (as long as the union follows the design and laws of God in Genesis 2:24). The specifications of that marriage are catered to the individuals in it. Hence, there is no set formula that produces the perfect union. Speaking from my experience, my husband and I had a strong foundation of Jesus and godly counsel, but what followed was on us. But that preparation was made during the courtship.

I think many people overlook the critical time of courtship. While this is not an attempt to give you a guide in courtship, I am sure that what will be shared will provide you with something to consider.

Looking to The Word, think about Adam and Eve. God saw that Adam needed a “help meet” (Genesis 2:18), and from his need, Eve was created. Unlike Adam, men today aren’t as blessed to have God present them with a handcrafted Eve. Now, it is the man who “finds” the wife (Proverbs 18:22). But, once a man finds that wife, can he help prepare her for marriage?

Well, my dear brother, God has shown me something in King Ahasuerus from the book of Esther that may benefit you during your courtship. That is: The king was an intricate part in the preparation of the queen.

Yes, I am a woman. So you may ask, how could I understand this? The answer is: true wisdom and revelation come from God. It’s just like Solomon, who judged between the two women and their infant (1 Kings 3:16-28). He was neither a woman nor bearer of children. But, he had wisdom from God.

King Ahasuerus and Queen Esther: Preparation of the Bride

In the book of Esther, we find this orphan named Hadassah (whose name was later changed to Esther), as a candidate for queen. The king has had his erroneous marriage to Queen Vashti, and so he is looking for a replacement.

While Esther is beautiful to look upon, the place of the queen requires more than vanishing beauty. Vashti was beautiful but replaced. The next queen needed something more and the king knew this. Preferring Esther, the King initiates a time of “purification” as it was a custom to do (Esther 2:9).  It was here that I began to see something. What type of purification would be necessary for Esther, who was already a virgin? This means the purification was not just natural, but spiritual.

The Lord began to show me that many men do not consider how they can be a help to women in the preparation of marriage. Esther was not expected to be queen when she first arrived. She was given time to develop. King Ahasuerus supplied what was needed to teach, groom, and prepare Esther. Although he was not physically involved, it was in his foresight, provision, and care that she was prepared.

Jesus is Also Preparing His Bride

Ephesians 5:25-27 (KJV)

25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,

27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

Marriage has always reflected Christ and the church. Looking at this passage of scripture, you see that Jesus will present to himself, a glorious church that He has cleaned and prepared. So, even our Savior is preparing His own Bride. Therefore, future husbands, your wife will be like your church. Understand, there is no perfect church, and every church needs work. But, just as Christ works on us, take the time to work for her so that she will become your desired bride.

SO, WHATS THE PLAY CALL?

How do I help prepare my future bride? Here are a few tips:

1. Remember this is a new thing for you both. So don’t expect an already made bride.
2. Pray for her. Some preparation is spiritual. Make all your requests known to God. This can also be via godly counseling and/or in private.
3. Love her as a co-heir even before you get married (Romans 12:10). Be married in heart, spiritually, before you say “I do.”
4. Honor her like a queen. Even if you don’t have riches, you can still honor her royally.

Proverbs 31:10-11 (ESV)

An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.

As you court, do it with the purpose of preparing her to be your queen. Eve was taken from the side of Adam that they would have dominion together. The king of Babylon did not prepare Esther for motherhood, cleaning the house, or the bedroom. The Queen is more than that. Likewise, Jesus is preparing His church to be His glorious bride. How much more fulfilling could your union be if you treat your soon-to-be wife with glory and royalty in mind?

In the end, my hope is that this will birth a new awareness during your time of courting. And from that awareness, a stronger foundation that will carry your marriage for a lifetime.

Blessings to your union!