Friday, Feb 28, 2020

Surviving or Thriving: How to Escape the Comfort Zone in Marriage

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Cortne Smith
Cortne Smith
Cortne Smith is the Founder of Relationship Service Station, providing full & self-service programs to promote whole and healthy relationships, with a signature program geared to equip the widow/widower to move from PAIN to PEACE. She uses her written and verbal voice to bring marriages back into God’s covenant.

Have you ever woken up one morning and just stared at your mate while they slept, thinking, “Who is this stranger next to me?” Or, in the heat of the moment actually spoke out loud, “You aren’t the person I married!”

If either of these statements has ever crossed your mind or made it pass the threshold of your lips, there’s a good chance you’re living in a “comfort zone” or state of complacency in your relationship. It is very likely that your mate is evolving and growing, and you have stood still in the relationship.

Have you ever been so blinded by the state of the world that you are unaware of the state of your union?

Hopefully, your goal is to do more than simply grow old together “till death do us part”, but to actually grow stronger together and cheat death by living each day to its fullest.

Living a Death-defying Life with Your Mate

Here are a few tips on how you and your spouse can cheat death by living an abundant life together:

  1. Get out of the COMFORT ZONE.

“I know everything about you and can read you like an open book” is a relationship-killing perspective to have about your mate. Every day, life creates a new page for your spouse, and over time, you are blessed to read the many new chapters.

If you’re just sitting in the comfort zone and not being an active participant in your mate’s new story, you will not recognize who your mate is becoming or has become.  Stay actively involved in your relationship to continue as the main character in their relationship story.

  1. Don’t allow COMPLACENCY to be your friend.

Do you answer “we’re good” when asked about the state of your marriage? This response can be a sign that complacency has begun to creep in.  There is always an area in the marriage that could use some maintenance, attention, and sprucing up.

Seize the opportunity to communicate the desired next level for your relationship. Also, open and transparent conversations about the issues can free you to get beyond good and achieve great.

  1. Continue to SOW new seeds into your relationship.

“I don’t like that.” Is your mind closed to new things that could promote healthy growth in your relationship? Has mediocrity smothered the fun and excitement of marriage? Take a trip, try a new adventure, plan an activity with your spouse that you’ve never done before.

Escape the Comfort Zone

If you feel your relationship has already slipped into a zone of just time together with no quality, it’s not too late! Today is the day you can pick up the relationship and create a fresh start.

  • Get to know your spouse again! Date, play and escape from those things that have distracted you.
  • Be intentional about creating quality time together to ensure the union is growing stronger, and you are not the weak link in the union.
  • Surround yourself with real, thriving couples – not just surviving ones – in order to receive and experience fresh ideas for your marriage that are working for others.

So, What’s the Play Call?

Growth and change are inevitable… Go with it! Your marriage can go from ordinary to extraordinary (Job 8:7)!

You must decide to be an active part of growth and change, or either be left out or left behind.

Evaluate whether you’re in the same place you were when you first met your mate.

If so, have a sit down with your spouse for a serious discussion about the things you have allowed to go on around you.  Then, find or create your space in the new relationship that’s active in keeping it productive.

Assess whether you have reached any of the desired destinations for your relationship. If not, what’s holding you back? Develop a Relationship Map that will get you on course to reach your relationship goals and keep you from wasting any more time.

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