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Team Jesus: Get Off the Sidelines and Get in the Game!

get in the game

What does it mean to be sitting on the sidelines? It means we’re not in the game. In sports, there’s a limited amount of athletes who can be in a game at one time, and there are many reasons why certain ones have to sit out: they are injured, they aren’t starters, they’re lower on the depth chart, they don’t quite have the skills, or they’re just fans.

But what about those times when we are healthy, skilled, and highly capable enough to be in the game, but we still choose not to go in?

This is rare, but it does happen. Maybe we’re afraid, not comfortable with a situation, or we’re losing and don’t want to be blamed for it. Sometimes, it’s just more comfortable to sit on the sidelines or be part of the crowd as a spectator. But, to me, this goes against what we are called to be as Team Jesus, God’s competitors.

Every Player on Team Jesus is Called to Get in the Game

team jesusAs true competitors or everyday Christians, we should want to be in on the action, and when we can’t it burns on the inside. Whether we feel capable or not, if Jesus Christ (our coach) calls us up and gives us playing time, it is our job out of obedience to not sit on the sidelines but to get in the game. If we have absolute faith in Him and know that He will show us the way, it is pleasing to Him. Plus, as it says in His Word, God has not created us to be fearful. If we believe that, then we know that fear is straight from the enemy.

Second Timothy 1:7 tells us that God didn’t give us a timid spirit, but one of power, love, and self-discipline. If we’re called into the game, are we going to worry about our talents, the enemy, or are we going to be disciplined and run in because God has the faith in us to put us in the game?

Through Jesus Christ, we are given the keys to fully unlock all the confidence we need. As it says in Philippians 4:13, we can do all things through Him who gives us strength. So, get off the sidelines, focus on Him, and sprint toward the action. Think about it.

So, What’s The Play Call?

  1. Do you ever fear getting in the game? Why or why not?
  2. How can you gain strength and confidence next time you are given an opportunity for something?
  3. How are you reacting to a current difficult situation you are facing? Are you placing it at God’s feet? Do you really trust Him?
  4. Is fear getting in the way of God’s plans for you?

 

Can We Pray for Our Leaders and Still Hold Them Accountable?

pray for our leaders
Image: Jacquelyn Martin / AP Images

For the last few days, Americans have been shocked and concerned about the president’s hospitalization due to COVID-19. The reactions have been varied, and many have been decidedly theological. As Kate Shellnutt reported recently for CT, “Several pastors and ministry leaders encouraged Americans that this was a time to pray for the president and the country regardless of their political stances.”

For some leaders, that invitation might come easily. But for others of us, prayerful action comes in the context of a more conflicted view of the current administration. How exactly do we respond to news of the president’s illness?

Seen from one angle, the answer is straight forward. We pray. In my Anglican church, we intercede for our leaders every Sunday with some version of the following:

We pray that you will lead the nations of this world in the way of righteousness; and so guide and direct our leaders, especially the President of the United States, Donald Trump, that your people may enjoy the blessings of freedom and peace. Grant that your leaders may impartially administer justice, uphold integrity and truth, restrain wickedness and vice, and protect true religion and virtue.

At the center of this prayer is the idea that all governments have a solemn responsibility to work on the side of truth, justice, and integrity. They are supposed to inspire virtue and limit the damage of vice. The prayer pertains not only to them as persons but to their powerful influence over the lives of so many.

This year, especially, church leaders have had much to say about the culture and ethos of this country and how it’s shaped by governors, local officials, and especially the president. Christian intercession, then, is not about blind allegiance. It is a recognition that the wellbeing of many often rides on the decisions of a few.

The scope of that influence is precisely why I have prayed for Trump, often daily, throughout the entirety of his presidency. I have disagreed strongly with some of his policies and actions. But when I disagree, I do not pray less; I pray more. As David French writes, “Christians of all political persuasions should humbly (and with full knowledge of our own frailty) seek true repentance from men and women in power. Their transformation benefits us all.”

For me, …

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Better Than Goodyear: How to Handle Life’s Slow Leaks and Blowouts

life's slow leaks

The other day, I went into my office building to work. It took 25 minutes on the interstate to get there. Once I took my exit and got to the street I needed to turn on, my tire pressure light came on.

Once I heard the “ding” and realized what it was, I’d decided to go after work to have my tires checked. By the time I made it to the parking lot, which was about a minute up the road, my dashboard showed how much air was in each tire. The tire that was low was at 18 psi and needed to be at 36. By the time I made it to the speed bump (about 12 seconds of driving), my tire was at 16 psi. I headed to a Goodyear Tire store that was right across the parking lot from my job. It took me about 2 minutes to get there, but upon arrival, my tire was sitting at 10 psi. 

I ended up leaving my car and walking to work. About an hour later, the gentleman working there called and told me that they couldn’t repair my tire because there was a large piece of steel lodged in it. This meant that I had to purchase a new tire.

Now, I was slightly frustrated about the new tire but majorly grateful that my tire didn’t blowout on the interstate. I tried thinking about all the places I’d driven, trying to figure out where I could have driven over the thing stuck in my tire. It could have been anywhere, and I have no idea if this was a slow leak situation or if I had just run over whatever caused it.

Either way, I was close enough to help where I didn’t need to call my roadside service or come out of the office to a flat tire. 

Life’s Slow Leaks Don’t Catch God Off Guard

goodyear
Jared C. Tilton/NASCAR via Getty Images

Yes, this did get me to thinking. Many times, we travel through life and have various situations that come against us – these would be our flat tires. Now, it is so easy to become frustrated, angry, hurt, all of those emotions. I am not telling you that you shouldn’t feel any or all of these, but I am telling you to assess the situation.

My tire did not blow while I was driving 60 MPH. No, it leaked slowly as I was going 35, then more swiftly as I was driving 5. My point is that, though you may feel like your tire pressure is going at an expedited pace, God will be there for you, even if you do have a “blowout”. He sure will, He will be there to be your help (like Goodyear Tire) when that large piece of steel comes from nowhere.

Before you disagree, think about the fact that you have not completely lost your mind. Yes, there have been times when you felt you would, I have had those times, too! But, God has kept us. Of course, there have been days when you wanted to give up, today may even be that day, but God is with you.

My careful driving did not keep me from having to purchase a new tire unexpectedly, just like my relationship with God does not keep me from some hardships.

But, like that Goodyear across the parking lot, He is right there when I need Him.

 So, What’s the Play Call?

We won’t always be able to gauge when we will have a “slow leak” of things coming at us. We may be more surprised when we have that major life “blowout”, but we have to know that God is there. Here are a few things to remember when life’s tire pressure is low:

  1. Trust God. I know it may seem like a difficult task at times, but He knows exactly what to do about whatever problem you may be having. “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thin own understanding.” Proverbs 3:5
  2. Pray. Prayer is communication with God, so keep those lines open. I have learned that even when I feel helpless, talking to Him calms these nerves of mine. “Pray without ceasing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:17
  3. Get to your help. I had to make my way to that tire place, all while praying I’d make the 2-minute drive without a complete flat. By the way, calling God’s name will get you to Him. “Seek the Lord, and his strength: seek his face evermore.” Psalms 105:4
  4. Think good thoughts. This can seem hard as well, especially when it seems everything is going wrong. Remember, God is keeping you. Allow your mind and heart to dwell on the good things. “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” Philippians 4:8 
  5. Be grateful. Even if the only thing you can think of is that you woke up another day. Having a heart of gratitude makes room for God to work on your behalf. “In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” 1 Thessalonians 5:18

We cannot help having a few flats along the way in this life, but we can let God be the “Goodyear” in our lives. 

 

Giving Back: Are You a Cheerful Giver?

heart

Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, ‘What are you doing for others?’ Martin Luther King, Jr.

“I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back.” Maya Angelou

“The only way you can serve God is by serving other people.” Rick Warren

“Only a life lived in the service to others is worth living.” Albert Einstein

“Happiness… consists in giving, and in serving others.” Henry Drummond

“Identify your divine gift and use it to serve humanity.” Lailah Gifty Akita

Trust me…I could have made this whole article about a list of quotes pertaining to Giving Back through acts of service because that is how important serving others is to me.

Giving back started in the home for me, so growing up, I always tried to find ways to do something for others. My mom and dad are givers and being around consistent giving is contagious. I can’t tell you the countless times that if there were other kids around and my momma wanted to give us a snack, every child with us received a snack.

The same thing happened during the holidays – my mom would buy extra gifts and place them under the Christmas tree. If family or friends stopped by, whether their visit was planned or not, they left with a gift. I have countless examples that I have witnessed that I could list. But, something I despise so much is the complete opposite of a giver – and that is someone who is selfish.

Do You Have a Heart for Giving Back?

Selfishness is such a pet peeve of mine.

Oftentimes, it’s hard for me to understand the heart of a person who is selfish when nothing we do can be accomplished ALONE…ever. Yep, I said it…think about that for a minute.

And now think about how impactful and powerful God could really use you if you used your gifts, talents, and abilities with the goal of helping someone else!

Being a giver and creating a life of service to others has been the most fulfilling part of my life. I take great joy in being a blessing not for acknowledgment or show, but because I am the child of the Most High God who gave the most sacrificial gift to us all – His son Jesus the Christ so that we may have life and have it more abundantly!

So, even if your parents never taught you what it means to ‘give to others’, you have one of the greatest examples in Jesus who gave unselfishly! I promise you, in some of my most hurtful, disappointing times in my life, I found ways to give of myself. And guess what? It took my mind off of me and put it on someone else in need.

It’s a feeling that can’t be explained and what ends up happening every time I do that, God replenishes my heart and restores my joy.

So, what’s the play call?

There are so many examples of giving in the Bible, but here are 3 scriptures that I love in reference to giving:

  1. In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive. Acts 20:35
  2. Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. 2 Corinthians 9:7
  3. A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed. Proverbs 11:25

 

Wounded Healers: Heal Others With Your Personal Scars

wounded healers

When asked to describe 2020 thus far, many have used the words uncertain, divisive, and disruptive. When I asked my friend this question, her response summarized it sufficiently: wounding.

let it goNow over 200,000 people have died from COVID-19 in the United States, almost 70 times more than those who died in the September 11 attacks and more than Vietnam, Korean, and Iraq wars combined. Even if we avoided the virus, we have experienced its wounding effects. In March, the Dow Jones recorded its worst point drops since the Great Depression. By July, 48 million people had filed for unemployment. Mental health professionals are seeing surges in people suffering from their mental and emotional well-being. Wildfires still rage on the West Coast. Viral videos of racial injustice prompted peaceful protests, demonstrations, riots, and looting in cities across the country. The nation is trying to reckon with something that African-Americans have long realized: racism has deeply wounded our country. All of this has led to a palpable us-versus-them mentality, especially as we approach a polarized presidential election.

Pain and suffering have always been present; but this year they have intensified, accelerated, and become more deeply divisive. How can Christians lead and serve in our astoundingly complex reality?

In times of tragedy, the late children’s television personality Fred Rogers is often quoted: “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’” We’ve all seen and experienced scary things—and we will continue to see and experience scary things. But what if now is the time the world is looking for the healers? What if the helpers are primarily healers?

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Be Ye Perfect: The Easiest Way to Live a Perfect Life

perfectionists

On June 2, 2010, MLB pitcher Armando Galarraga was one out away from a perfect game: no hits, no walks, no errors. An easy ground ball was hit to the first baseman who tossed the ball to Galarraga, who was covering the first base bag. His catch clearly beat the runner to the bag for the final out of the game, but a veteran umpire called the runner safe, therefore ending Galarraga’s perfect game. This mistake showed that even the veteran umpire wasn’t perfect. And, in reality, none of us are.

Every one of us makes mistakes. We all make misjudgments, bad calls and show our imperfections in a variety of ways. But, there was one Man who lived the only perfect life in history: Jesus Christ.

More than 2,000 years ago, Jesus lived a life of perfection here on an imperfect earth. Everything He did was perfect. He spoke all the right words at the right times, did all the right actions, and perfectly demonstrated God’s character and love.

On March 14th, 2011, I was one serve away from a perfect game. After winning 11 perfect matches in a row, I only needed one more to have a perfect game. I was shaking so badly that I could barely hold my racquet. With the whole tennis facility watching me, with a score of 40 all, I stepped up, tossed the ball in the air, and right when I made contact with the ball I knew I had blown my chance at a perfect game. My serve went wide. I ended up winning the match 6-0, 6-1 instead of 6-0, 6-0. It was a great game, but not perfect.

Be Ye Perfect in Jesus Christ

breath of lifeThis experience made me more aware of how amazing it is that Jesus lived a perfect life. It is truly amazing that in all the turmoil and negativity of a sin-filled world, He still lived perfectly. He didn’t tremble at the thought of perfection. He didn’t even second-guess Himself. He knew that everything He was doing was exactly right.

While our goal every day should be to strive for Jesus’ model of holy perfection, we must understand that we will never be perfect in the sense of never making a mistake. We are all sinners, and we will make daily errors in actions, words, and thoughts. The closest we will get to perfection is by having a relationship with Jesus Christ – the One who made the perfect sacrifice of His life to save us from our sins.

So, What’s The Play Call?

Yes, by all means, continue to aim for Christ-like perfection. But, focus more on cultivating a healthy personal relationship with Jesus, willing to repent to Him for the sins that you do commit. Doing that will bring you as close to perfection as humanly possible.  Think about it.

  1. Do you strive for perfection in life, sports, or anything else you do?
  2. What is your standard for perfection? Is it Jesus? If not, what is it and where does your standard come from?
  3. How should you react when you sin? (Specifically think about conviction, repentance, grace, and forgiveness.)
  4. What can you do to better stay on Jesus’ path of perfection?

 

You Are Not Your Mistakes: 3 Ways to Remind Yourself and Others

you are not your mistakes

Where I live, we have billboards owned by various healthcare networks staking their claim at providing the best patient services and having the best healthcare workers. So, one of these networks has a series of billboards that use a unique method to let everyone know that their patients are treated as people – not just as the illness or ailment they are being treated for.

Typically, I just glance at the billboards and keep going, mainly because there’s not always enough stoplight time to take a message in. One day, though, the light seemed extra long so I actually paid attention. As I sat at a stoplight, I read, “I am more than my stiff joints. I am Beverly.”

All of their billboards are set up this way around the city, “I am more than… I am…” Different issues, different patients, same premise. Another that I’ve seen floating around says, “I am more than a 10:30 appointment. I am Eric.” I imagine that this is probably effective in helping people make medical insurance decisions. I mean, I know I want an experience that makes me feel like a whole person and not just a doctor’s visit. I read that billboard about 6 or 7 times before the light turned green.

You Are More Than Your Mistakes, You are Loved

All Things Work Together for GoodThese billboards got me to thinking about how this plays out in life situations. I know we all want to be seen for who we are and not our “illnesses or ailments”… the stuff we’ve done or mistakes we’ve made.

There have been plenty of times when I’ve allowed others to address me as the mistakes I’d made because I couldn’t seem to let go of the guilt myself. It took me way too long, but I finally learned that once I had sincerely apologized, applied actions of change, and forgiven myself, I could let it go and be free.

Mentally, I put myself on the billboard and filled in my truth; “I am more than my mistakes. I am Alecia.” You’ve got to do the same. Make up in your mind that the forgiveness that God offers is for you. Accept it and understand that you are much more than anything that you have done.

So, What’s the Play Call?

We’ve all had our downfalls, and sometimes it’s easier to hold on to the familiar past and even allow others to treat us in a way that reflects who we were. But, I want us to value our growth and expect others to do the same. Here are a few things to hold on to when your past tries to follow you into your future:

  1. Don’t let anyone treat you as an “ailment”. Anybody who wants to hold you to what you’ve done in the past does not have your best interest at heart. It’s okay to step away and re-evaluate those relationships so that you have space to be your best self. Remember, Jesus died for every transgression and He will send you people that will show you His love. “But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him, and with his stripes, we are healed.” Isaiah‬ ‭53:5‬ ‭‬‬‬‬
  2. Know that you deserve better – even when circumstances would have you to believe otherwise. You are not your mistakes, none of us are. Mistakes are things we’ve done, not who we are. God wants you to know that even He doesn’t give us what we deserve. “He does not punish us for all our sins; he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve.” Psalms‬ ‭103:10‬ ‭NLT‬‬‬‬ ‬‬
  3. Live like you are worth it – and don’t let yourself or anyone else convince you otherwise. Please know that you are worth a fresh start and you are worth the better that is coming to you. God gave His son with you in mind so that you could have this opportunity.  “He that spared not his own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?” Romans‬ ‭8:32‬ ‭‬‬‬‬

Sometimes, it takes a “stoplight” moment to remind us of who we are. Take some time to think about how you’ve grown, even make a list.

Go ahead, accept God’s forgiveness, and put yourself on the billboard and fill in your truth: “I am more than __________. I Am __________.”

 

Snack Attacks: 5 Reasons Why You’re Tempted to Nibble Between Meals

nibble between meals

The Snack Attacks Strike, Again!

nibble between mealsSnacks have become a huge part of our eating pattern.  In fact, research suggests that 90% of Americans have at least one snack each day and 50% of our food consumption comes from snacks!  Some of these snacks are intentional and others not so much.

Do you find yourself eating when you aren’t really hungry?  Have you ever begun eating something but didn’t even realize what you were doing until you moments later?  

Guilt creeps in.  Convicted, we often hear this familiar scripture circling through our mind,

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. 1 Corinthians 10:13 (NIV)

Many claim, ‘I just need more self-discipline.’  But eating isn’t wrong. Enjoying a cookie, whether at 1pm or 11pm isn’t a sin.  

But we also know that the cookie isn’t a smart choice most of the time.

I’m Nibbling Because…

So why are we drawn to eat, even when we are not hungry?  And more specifically, why do we long for foods that aren’t healthful?  

Many brands and companies employ brilliant scientists to uncover exactly how to produce a product that tantalizes our taste buds.  And, they hire a clever marketing team to capture our attention. But, unplanned snacking isn’t just about tasty food – there is a lot more involved in why we do what we do.

I think Paul speaks for all of us, at some time or another,

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. Romans 7:15 (NIV)

Can you relate?  Maybe you feel like that a lot!

If you can, you are not bad.  If you are frequently asking Holy Spirit for more self-control, be encouraged – it comes by being Spirit-led.  That’s exactly what God wants us to do – realize our own weakness and reach out, acknowledging our struggles and proclaiming His strength.  

The ‘Why’ Behind Nibbling

mindful eating

But it is also important to realize that your temptation to nibble between meals isn’t just because a food tastes good.  Sometimes we are eating and not even tasting what we are eating anyway.

Here are 5 reasons why you are tempted to nibble between meals and practical strategies to help you choose differently next time.

1. The Previous Meal Did Not Physically Satisfy You

Sometimes, you can’t get food off the brain because your body really needs MORE nourishment.  It is very important that you are eating enough calories, fat, protein and fiber at every single meal (even breakfast!) so that you can last at least 3 to 5 hours without feeling remotely hungry.  If you are physically hungry before then, the meal was not the best choice for your body.  Even if you are trying to shave off a few calories here and there, it is still critical to be eating meals that include these components.  

Protein, often prized and praised, is critical for satiety, burning fat, bone health, hormone balance, repairing muscle after a workout and so much more.  Do you eat the minimum 20-30 grams of protein per meal as research suggests? Keep nibbling out of your mind by including adequate protein.

The average American consumes 15 grams of fiber per day, half of the recommendation. That means you should be aiming closer to 10 grams of fiber from whole foods, per meal. Half a plate of veggies is a great place to start. But also beans, whole grains, nuts, and seeds are excellent options too.

Fat makes you feel full. Avocado, nuts, seeds, nut butters, salmon and sardines, olive oil, and avocado oil are rich sources of healthy fats to fill you up and promote good health. Remember, it is not just fat that you want but good sources of fat so that it promotes heart health, cell health, and brain function.

A few flavorful meals that will satisfy you in more ways than one:

Parmesan Chicken Quinoa Bake

Quinoa Edamame Salad with Citrus Vinaigrette

BBQ Chicken & Black Bean Lettuce Wraps

Creamy Mocha Overnight Oats

2. You are Feeling Deprived

Many trendy diets call you to eliminate foods and food groups in order to obtain a ‘lean and healthy body.’  While they may jumpstart weight loss or fat loss, consider whether it is really a good long-term strategy for you and your body.  

People that jump on and off these diets often report that they were required to eliminate or severely restrict a food or food group and they were not mentally okay with this, even though they wanted to be.  

As a side note, any eating plan that requires you to give up whole foods, needs to be reconsidered.

When we are feeling deprived, those foods which are supposedly not an option linger in our thoughts.  It is easy to build them up in our heads, wanting them more and more, until finally one day, we cave. Sometimes we even justify the decision claiming, “I never eat that so it’s okay this time.”  

This process cycles again and again.  Restrict, restrict, restrict, … cave.

Do you want to live life in the balance of deprivation, guilt and justifying behaviors?  

3. Emotional Response

thoughts and prayersIt is common to hear people talking about eating when they are stressed or anxious.  But do you eat when you are feeling happy? Do you eat when you are celebrating? Do you eat when you are feeling resentful?  

Ah-ha moments can come at any time and mine came 6-9 months ago when I realized I was eating after dinner because I resented parts of motherhood.  I was frustrated and angry that I rarely got to sit down and enjoy a meal in peace and quiet. After my kids were in bed was the only time when I got to enjoy a meal without the distraction of kids.  But most nights, I wasn’t really hungry. Resentment fueled this. I wasn’t walking around all day like a boiler ready to blow. It was deep-seated anger covered up with life, responsibilities, work, and everyday activities that was slowly and tenderly uncovered by Holy Spirit.

Once you identify an emotion compelling you to eat, it doesn’t automatically go away. Identification is good, but it’s only the first part. Then you get to talk to God about it, a lot, and maybe a professional too, as you create a strategy that will help you take a different action when those feelings are ignited.

4. Lack of Clear, Healthful Boundaries

While we may turn to this as the first option to consider, there is often an underlying reason for our nibbling.  However, setting up some clear boundaries with food is necessary for all individuals.

Here are a few ideas:

  • Close the kitchen at a specific time at night and in between meals.  This reminds you and family members that it is not a snacking time until the kitchen is open for the next (planned) meal.
  • Keep treats out of the house.  Decide in advance when you will have a treat.  Then, enjoy it when you do.
  • Eat with other people.  If you find that you hide or sneak food, this is a great way to enjoy community around meals and hold yourself accountable.  This is also important for treat foods too.
  • Drink 12-20 ounces of water between meals.  Make sure that when you are hungry, it is physical hunger and not thirst making you feel empty.  Plan to finish the water before you allow yourself to eat the next meal.

5. Visual Cues Trigger You

If a co-worker is snacking on a few pieces of candy during a work meeting does that trigger you?  When you walk into a movie theater are you compelled to eat some popcorn? It is important to know what scenarios ‘trigger’ you and which ones don’t seem to bother you. Then, decide in advance how you will respond in those moments.

For example, if someone is snacking on chips or pretzels at the party, it doesn’t bother me. I am able to move past it without an issue. But if there is a piece of homemade carrot cake sitting on a dessert table, it requires a lot more restraint- and a plan.

Which reason do you identify with most?  Why? Take one minute- just one- to think and pray about this.

So, what’s the play call?

Good health is at the intersection of smart physical boundaries, emotional health, and spirit living.  

If you are frustrated with your nibbling behaviors, don’t put your faith solely in a diet or eating plan.  There are benefits to an intentional eating plan and physical wellness results from how you care for your body.  But, go deeper. Decide to discover the “why” behind the “what”. Partner with God. This is how you can begin…

Father-
Teach me 1 physical boundary I need to set for myself.
Reveal 1 reason I eat when I am not hungry.
Help me hear you even among the distractions and noise around me.
No matter what foods are before me, help me want you more.

Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well. 3 John 1:2

Marriage: The Two Become One, But One What?

two become one

The Bible says that marriage is a mystery (Ephesians 5:32). I could not describe it better.  It involves two different people coming together – two become one – forming one union. No one marriage is the same, because no two people are the same. There is no right or wrong way in marriage as long as it remains within the law of God. After 11 years of marriage, I find that no amount of anything can adequately prepare anyone for what their union will entail. There can be excellent foundational counseling and prayer, but I believe no one is really ever fully “ready.”

Marital Spats

discontent in marriageFor the record, every married couple argues at some point in their relationship. I do not want you to feel alone. I can recall the first argument between my husband and me, and many since then. But, there came a time when I began to seek the Lord on a better way to handle disagreements. I wanted my husband to be able to do things a certain way or think how I thought, and it just wasn’t happening.

As I began to seek the Lord on counsel, I started by saying, “God, I can’t see how we will become one,” and the Lord replied, “One what?”

I learned years ago that when the all-knowing God asks a question, there is something powerful He wants to say. I followed the leading of the Spirit and found myself in the book of Genesis. Genesis 2:24 says, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” It was there that it hit me, “one flesh.” God never said that a married couple would become one being, but one flesh.

Marriage is like the relationship between Christ and the Church. What is the church? The Body of Christ. Not the soul or spirit. Likewise, a husband and wife will be one in the body.

Being = Body/Flesh + Spirit + Soul

Each person is made up of three components, body/flesh, spirit, and soul. Each element has its functions. I won’t go into the full explanations of all three, but I want to help you as the Lord helped me. A married couple becomes one flesh; this means that things of the natural life, become a blended entity. However, their spirit and soul will remain separate. See why the Bible refers to it as a mystery? Indeed there can be spiritual impartations between husband and wife, but no married couple should expect to become one full human being.

The Spirit of Man

authentic selfOur spirits contain so much – our personality, gifts, callings, etc. It’s what makes us individuals. When I understood that my husband and I were not meant to become one spirit, I began to change how I looked at things.

For this reason, you may not always be able to see what is going on in their inner man. Truthfully, no person can have full access to another. That access belongs to God. A married couple can be one in the Spirit of God, but remain two different spirits.

This helped me so much. It caused me not to burden my husband with something he was not supposed to carry. I could not hold him accountable for completely knowing me. I started communicating more. God did not make him my mind reader; he is my husband.

The Bible says people’s ways are right in their own eyes, and so I began to embrace our different perspectives and not hold so tightly to my own. It is easy for people to mistake their way as the best way. I can be guilty of this. I began to see our differences as a perfect puzzle rather than a disconnect. From there, we began to grow together.

Two Become One Flesh

submissionWe began to embrace the gifts and callings of one another. Gifts and callings reside in the spirit. The spirit holds the things that were given to us graciously by the Creator.

God told Jeremiah before he was even in the womb, he was a prophet. This calling happened before Jeremiah became a living soul. I think some couples believe that their callings are one; Not true. Recall Hosea, a prophet, whom God instructed to marry a harlot, or Moses, whose wife was Zipporah. She participated minimally, if at all, in the deliverance of the Children of Israel.

Understand, a husband and wife can work together in service to the Lord like Priscilla and Aquilla, but that is not always the case. But even in that service, they are still two individuals called to work together.

The Soul of Man

Understanding that you and your spouse have separate souls is very important.  The main thing that happens in the soul of man is salvation.

No married couple will become one soul. So, each person must work out their own salvation (Philippians 2:12), even though they are one flesh, meaning that each husband and wife must accept Jesus for themselves. They must repent for themselves. They will have different struggles and areas of attack. The Lord may deal with your spouse in a particular area and you in another.

1 Corinthians 7:14 says that when an unbeliever is married to a believer, the unbeliever is “sanctified” not saved. And, this is only for the sake of the children being made holy to the Lord. When I paid attention to this, it caused me to pray for my husband more. I began to realize that although we are on the same path of salvation, we will both have a personal walk.

So, What’s The Play Call?

Think about you and your spouse. You both may enjoy the same foods, shows, vacation spots, fashion line, or song. You may see that over time, you have grown closer, but in areas that remain separated, check to see whether these are areas of the spirit and soul. If they are, understand they will stay separate. Instead of focusing on how much you are different, see the beautiful masterpiece God has created between the two of you.

Remember, marriage is a mystery compared to Jesus and His church ( Ephesians 5:32). We are the church, and while we will be like Jesus, we cannot or will not become Jesus.

I pray this helps you.

 

But Grandma Does It: 4 Routine Ways We Normalize Sin

normalize sin

Ever notice how sin – or even simple flaws – often look different on different people? Or, have you ever found yourself disgusted by behavior in one person (or yourself), but give a pass to a close friend or loved one who does the exact same behavior? It’s how we normalize sin. For example…

Perhaps you don’t care too much for Jane in accounting who goes around telling everybody’s business… but your favorite Aunt Linda, well, “that’s just the way she is.”

You’re understandably firm about your friend’s significant other who is being unfaithful… but your big brother James, well, “he’s always had all the women.”

The Hypocrisy of Normalizing Sin

Team, we have a problem. I say “we” because we clearly won’t point the finger at the playbook.

When the Bible speaks of behaviors, attitudes, thoughts that are sinful – things we must intentionally avoid – there are no hidden asterisks representing a special group of people in our lives who are exempt.

None of us have the respect of God (Romans 2:11), where we can skip over the pursuit of sanctification through Jesus Christ (Hebrews 12:14, Philippians 2:12). The guidance that has been given to one has been given to all who take up their cross to follow Jesus.

So, why do we often engage in the normalization of sin?

Our Normal vs. God’s Standards

obedience is better than sacrificeWhenever there’s a disconnect between a) what we promote, affirm, or approve as right and wrong and b) the standards of God – we have somehow overstepped a boundary and attempted to take something that belongs to God.

Now, that may sound crazy or dramatic, but think of it this way: What does it take for us to give ourselves and/or others a pass with regards to God’s standards?

Oftentimes when we normalize sin, we unwittingly attempt to sit on God’s throne (Psalm 47:8) as if we are the all-knowing authority and Creator of the world. Did God give us permission to infringe upon His intellectual property and re-write His words, giving them a different meaning and consequence?

We are to say what God says, regardless of our loving and favorable bias towards the intended party.

What does sin bias look like?

Our bias enables us to normalize sin. Here are 4 types of sin bias that we all must search our hearts for and immediately evict:

1. Everybody’s doing it (numbers).

If so many people are doing it, God must not really care. He won’t let that many people go to hell.” Be not deceived, teammates! We’ve already been warned that broad is the way that leads to destruction (Matthew 7:13). Broad implies “many people”. We see it in society everywhere – people finding perceived safety and solace in the multitude of voices who say wrong is right and right is wrong – from the LGBTQ community, gay marriage, to sexual “test drives” before marriage.

2. They’re just old/young (age).

Because they’re so {old, young}, God will excuse their behavior.”  Newsflash, Team. There are no age-related exemptions to the principles and ordinances of God. I kid you not – I actually heard a pastor say from the pulpit on a packed Sunday morning:

“Sure, we preach against fornication, but what are you gonna tell Grandma who wants to get her groove on?”

Lord. Teammates, you had sure better tell Grandma, mom, dad, and anyone else you love what thus saith the Lord, and not look to their age, nor have…

3. Blinding admiration.

We all have people we admire and treasure in our lives – from family, best friends, and mentors. However, the lens through which we view them is not the same lens that God uses; God’s lens can see straight to the heart!

Think not that God will dishonor His own principles to acquiesce to our view of a person. We must keep things in the proper perspective – even when dealing with people to whom we are fiercely loyal.

4. But I do it, too.

Uh oh. It’s hard for some to call a “spade a spade” when we’re wearing the spade. And, oddly enough, sometimes we cry loud and spare not when we see our spades in other people’s lives. Nevertheless, this hypocrisy is out of order and gives us zero cover from God seeing all. We can’t quell the conviction of the Holy Spirit that we feel by turning a blind eye. Instead, let’s submit and align to where God is leading us so that others may follow us as we follow Christ (1 Corinthians 11:1).

So, What’s the Play Call?

Let God be true, and every man be a liar (Romans 3:4). What does that mean? If it comes down between God’s principles and standards and our will, thoughts, perceptions, beliefs, or convictions – go with God!

Don’t let your loyalty, friendship, bloodline, or admiration be a stumbling block in another person’s life. How many today refuse to seek God or to repent and receive God’s grace because everyone has told them, “You’re fine. Live your truth. It’s ok. Be your authentic self.” – no matter how much their authentic self opposes God?

Yes, this article talks about sin and how we can unknowingly or knowingly normalize sin. But, we can’t end it without some good news: Sin is no match for God’s grace – the grace of God will always abound over sin (Romans 5:20).

 

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