Avoiding Conflict Attracts Chaos
In case you aren’t familiar with the story of King David and his son, Absalom, let’s do a brief recap:
Absalom was King David’s 3rd son. The first time Absalom is mentioned in the Bible is when his brother, Amnon, rapes his sister, Tamar. King David was furious with Amnon, but doesn’t confront him about his behavior. Two years later, Absalom kills Amnon. King David mourns Amnon’s death and Absalom flees in fear. King David wanted to be reunited with his son, but did not act on it.
His advisor, Joab, knowing how badly he missed his son, arranged for the King and Absalom to be reconciled. King David allowed Absalom to come back, but wouldn’t allow him in his presence. Eventually, after Absalom’s urging, King David saw Absalom. For four years, Absalom gained rapport with the people and tries to take his father’s throne. King David and his men flee so they have an opportunity to come against Absalom, but when it was time to go to battle, King David asked his men to deal gently with Absalom. When his men kill Absalom, David mourns Absalom’s death and his men feel shame instead of victory (2 Samuel 13:1 – 2 Samuel 19:10).
This sounds like a soap opera, doesn’t it? King David had quite an interesting life. I’m always amazed and relieved that after all the grave mistakes he made, God called David a man after His own heart (Acts 13:22). If you find yourself plagued with shame, guilt and unworthiness, as I sometimes do, it’s always good to look at people in the Bible, the trouble they found themselves in, and how God responded.
There’s always wisdom to be learned from the drama in our lives and the lives of others.
Here are some self-test questions to ponder about King David & Absalom, and the dangers of avoiding conflict and the hard conversations:
Are You Allowing Evil to Go Unchecked in Your life?
King David was furious with the actions of Amnon, but he did nothing. Are there certain people in your life that you choose to keep around, yet refuse to correct? Are you avoiding the hard conversations that need to take place? The Bible instructs us to correct our brothers and sisters who wander from the truth so that we save them from trouble (James 5:19,20). You may think you’re doing that person a favor by looking the other way when they sin, but when we allow sin to go unchecked, it opens the door for more sin to come in. The situation will get worse before it gets better.
When’s the Last Time You Asked God for a Heart-Check?
We can be blinded by our own ideas of what is right and wrong, which is why it’s important to allow God to search our hearts and reveal any wrongful ways. If King David had asked God to search his heart, perhaps he would have dealt justly with Amnon and mourned for both him and Tamar.
Are You Withholding the Gift of a Second Chance?
God judges fairly because He looks at the heart and sees all. He knows why we bury our feelings and later explode. He knows why we do things that seem out of character.
Everyone who does something wrong shouldn’t be cast off the island. The same grace and mercy you didn’t deserve, but gladly received when you messed up is the same grace and mercy available to others. Yes, there are times when God tells us to end relationships, but often we allow our feelings to make the cuts in our lives.
If possible, and especially if you were the catalyst for a broken relationship, have the hard conversation; make an honest attempt to reconcile with your brother or sister.
Who Are You Bankrupting?
In the book Boundaries, by Robert Townsend and Henry Cloud, it says that when we refuse to forgive someone, we still want something from them. They’re still paying in one way or another. King David allowed Absalom to come back home, but Absalom wasn’t allowed in the King’s presence. Finally, Absalom says, “Ya know, I could have just stayed where I was if I’m going to be treated this way.” Every day he woke up and was only allowed to go where the King was not; King David was making Absalom pay for murdering Amnon. Who are you still making pay?
What Are You Dealing Gently With That Needs to Die?
When it was time for King David’s men to fight Absalom and his men, David advised his soldiers to deal gently with Absalom even though this could mean their death. He still had a heart for Absalom, but by this time, their relationship was irreparable.
When King David’s men kill Absalom, King David’s heavy mourning caused the men to feel shame and guilt instead of victorious.
Sometimes, we want to deal gently with people who have shown time and time again that they only mean us harm. Likewise, we often deal gently with sin in our lives. But, when God tells us to cut something off, we should listen and do so no matter how rough or abrupt.
So, what’s the play call?
When sin shows up in your life or the lives of those around you, don’t look the other way. Deal with it quickly, in love, while it’s still manageable.
If there’s an area in your life that’s out of control – a relationship, your finances, your thoughts or emotions – remember there is nothing too hard for God. Give Him your chaos. Share your situation with someone you trust, who also knows the Word, and will hold you accountable.
Now, I noticed that he noticed me because he immediately stopped moving. His antennae froze, he slowly put his leg down and sat there on my carpet. Okay, my first instinct was to yell for someone to come kill him, but the gag is, I live alone sooo, yeah. Next, I was going to run to grab some tissue to squash him, but I was afraid that if I walked away, he’d move, hide, and attack me in my sleep (stop laughing lol).
Alright, this is not about how I crushed a cricket so you can stop thinking about it – which you probably can’t now – and there won’t be a quiz later. This is, instead, about how that cricket survived that 10-pound weight I dropped on him.
Have you ever said to someone, “May I offer you a suggestion?”
The enemy often uses the power of suggestion because there are limits to what he can do to us. For example, the devil cannot:
My dog and I walked side-by-side for a little while – until she got distracted. In the distance, she spotted another dog across the street. Her body grew tense.
“You start out with me in early morning prayer, 
A fully green banana means it’s not yet ripe; the banana is tough and tastes like cardboard. A banana with no spots but a greenish stem is sweet – the ones that restaurants use for your pancakes and banana splits. A light sprinkling of spots on a banana is a tad sweeter. When the spots get bigger, the banana is very sweet and less firm. When covered in spots or on the verge of turning black, its only use is for banana bread or foods that require a natural banana flavor. When they turn black, they are squishy and rotten.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-3, says, “There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to uproot. A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build.”
The scripture that my husband quoted when he and I were talking was Proverbs 15:22 NIV, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers, they succeed.”
Spring and summer are the ideal times to take a family trip to the market, local farm or berry patch. Kids get exposed to produce in a natural environment. Conversation naturally evolves around the fruits and vegetables they see. There is no pressure and instead, it becomes a fun family experience with the potential for lots of photos and memories! 
This is a fun way to help your kids create in the kitchen! They have vivid imaginations. Instead of giving them what we think they should eat, this strategy allows them to concoct their own creations. By allowing them to decide what they will put in their yogurt bowl, you are empowering and affirming them in their ability to make food decisions. You set the boundaries. Kids make the decisions. They like to be able to experience control. Parents determine the options, but the kids get to decide which ones, how much, how high, how many layers, how abstract, and how utterly delicious! 
A few nights ago, I found myself lying restlessly awake in bed. I was thinking about all of the “what ifs” and “buts” that I made about my life’s decisions. Of course, this is nothing strange or different, we all tend to do this from time to time, but for some reason, I could not find peace to rest. 
Too often people search for comfort and peaceful rest in the form of unhealthy relationships, alcohol, drugs, and other vices to escape their “running mind”. This only creates a pause or a temporary sense of relief from the anxieties in the real world. 
It’s all for your protection. Listen to me y’all, hear me good: God’s order is for your protection!
Though September 23rd marks the official first day of fall, I did not need a calendar to recognize the changing of the seasons. Everything in creation gloriously points to this transition! From the crisp coolness of the early morning air to the return of pumpkin spice lattes, it is with open arms I welcome my absolute favorite season of the year!
